Surrender

I've started and stopped this post so many times. It feels like the past three days have gone so quickly and so much shift has occurred. Three days ago, on the new moon, Jenny and Jason, our fearless AcroYoga leaders shared with the teachers community that after 8 years of sharing this practice, they have bravely chosen to go their own way... to a degree. They are both still fully invested and passionate about the practice and seeing it grow and expand, but they have decided to focus more on their unique offerings and step deeper into their truths. So AcroYoga is not going anywhere; and what is occurring within this community is beautiful and so authentic. Our teachers have chosen to elect more of a back seat so that we can all step in as stronger teachers and leaders of community with a fuller offering and bring a great sense of radical presence into every room we enter. The start of a new moon cycle, represents a time of release and renewal. Every day, while in this teacher training, we begin with a song; a chant to a divine presence or practice that we aspire to embody and from which to learn. We have sung to Ganesh to overcome our obstacles, we have sung to Shiva to invite in the power of transformation and today we sang to Hanuman which invited in the precious reminder that we always have a choice. This magical, mythical monkey has the ability to jump across oceans to search for Rama's beloved Sita but he chooses to do it in his own way. He often forgets that he has this ability to extend his legs and leap around the world, so when he is reminded of this power, he continues along his journey, though as he chooses. He is never rushed or forced; Hanuman has a strong sense of self; he recognizes his strength and power and always chooses the best way to share his unique gifts. Today, this is my inspiration. The past three days have encouraged me to step into my light and make my voice heard even more. It's been such an interesting journey to be in a creative space with so many other amazing teachers. At times I feel so powerfully supported and eager to share my own unique contribution to the circle of collective wisdom that is present in this group. Though what has come up recently for me and for others as well, is that within a space of so many strong, bright personalities it is easy to slip into the background and feel small.  Somehow, I have allowed this to occur for me, while amongst so many talented people. This seems to reoccur within my life. I am reminded of one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. The more awesomeness I exude within myself, the more I will ignite the same in others- man, I thought I had at least figured this one out! This has been yet another, humbling day... thank God. I am feeling so much graciousness. The biggest moment is that I have been able to let go of some resistance I have been carrying for almost a year. Relationships are hard in general; there can be so much bliss and in the next moment so much struggle. Taking the time to sit with the emotions and situations that arise, slowing down to take a deep breath and really absorb what is happening is so amazingly powerful. I have so many amazing blessings in my life; an incredibly loving husband that elevates and inspires me every day, an incredible home, beautiful, supportive friends and family, and I do work that I absolutely love. So this lingering factor, the AcroYoga relationship that didn't quite make sense, this uncomfortable weight and heaviness on my heart that I have been carrying has been lifted. Relationships still take time and effort and I always welcome it, but at this moment I am so excited for ALL the relationships in my life to go deeper. The layers of the lotus flower that is my heart, are so abundant and I feel I have only peeled back a few petals in the vast potential of where my heart can unfurl. 

Gratitude

My intention was to write every day as a daily log but the amount of information I have received over the past four days has felt like a lifetime. I feel like I've grown so much in a short amount of time.  Today was focused on therapeutics and Thai massage. We spent the morning in moving meditation setting the intention of forgiveness. First for ourselves and then for others in our lives. This particular practice never gets old for me. I feel that as I forgive myself for the little things (not remembering a full sequence while teaching a yoga class, forgetting to call my mom or burning toast); it seems all the bigger things get much easier to offer forgiveness. It's in those moments I recognize my divinity but more importantly, how human I am and reconnect to that perfect imperfection in all other beings. This intense 'love bubble' of a community that I find myself involved with here in California has so much collective power to support growth and to transmit a huge amount of information. It can fill you up and allow you to feel so blissed out, soft and open hearted and it can also leave you feeling smothered, depleted and gasping for a breath of fresh air.  Today was a day where I needed to breathe and shake it off... and how quickly the universe answered my request. At the end of a very 'hands on', emotionally charged day all I wanted to do was dance and it just so happened that tonight was the night. The weekly ecstatic dance in Oakland, where over 100 people come together to just move freely through space without fear of judgement or interruption. The venue was so expansive and inviting; A huge dance floor, space for stretching, meditation, massage and luscious treats for sale. A new DJ every hour brought variety and each one encouraged the energy to build with quality sound beats and vibration. Everyone there had the same intention- just move your body and shake it out. What a perfect way to seal the day. Nothing but gratitude. 

Keep it simple

Two days into the level 2 AcroYoga teachers training in Oakland, California. There are over 30 amazing teachers who have come together from all around the world. Collectively we have hundreds of years of experience to offer and the desire in the room to share knowledge and transmit information to one another is so palpable. I can feel everyone so eager to connect and play because deep down that's what we all want and this group is so open and has very few boundaries or resistance. However, we are reminded by our fearless leaders Jenny and Jason; founders of the practice that we are here to become stronger teachers and leaders in our communities.

We have spent the first two days reviewing the fundamentals of the practice. These are all things that we know already but the intention and focus is on bringing a sense of freshness and beginners mind to our offering. Granted there has also been time to jam and share what we do best and it has been such a rush! I know this is only the beginning and there is so much more ahead; and while it's so easy to get caught up in the fancy stuff I am reminded of how powerful it is to introduce this practice to someone who has never flown before. The experience of simultaneous surrender and support is beyond words. It is about two spirit beings, two bodies connecting and being held. I remember my first flight and how amazing it felt. This practice has the ability to touch so many people in a really profound way. Aside from the physicsl benefits, this practice can allow for deep emotional release too.

Regardless of the languages we speak, we can connect in a very deep, fundamental and nurturing way. There is so much support within this community and it feels to me that we are creating the building blocks that have the power to impact so many lives. The time is now! This is a very auspicious year for everyone and it's simply a matter of perspective. I choose to believe this is going to be the biggest year of growth and positive transformation, not just for me but for the entire planet.

So as I practice with this group of amazing teachers, I feel supported by the abundance of the earth beneath me, I feel rooted and connected to the centuries of wisdom that lie beneath my feet. I feel supported, safe, held and heard by the entire universe. I am focusing on creating a powerful voice, presence and contribution in this world and I am buzzing with life, enthusisam and love.  I feel I am getting very clear on my purpose. We always ask ourselves the big questions of 'why am I here' and 'what am I meant to be doing in this life'? I realize I still have a lot of life eperience ahead, but in this moment,  I am exactly where I'm meant to be. I'm doing work that I love and I feel so fulfilled. I am gaining my power through clear speech and an open and honest heart. I am living my truth and I am so happy. When I close my eyes and look inside I see so much light and vast potential. The entire cosmos appears before me and I am humbled beyond words. There is so much goodness in the world. It always blows me away. It's always so simple when you break it down.

Breathing Deep

Yesterday I decided to renew my commitment to my writing. I taught my last AcroYoga class last night for the next few weeks before I head to the sunny California for more teacher training. At the end of class, I told my students they could follow my progress; my break downs and break throughs on my blog. 'What's your blog they asked?' When I had to think about it, I realized how long it had been since I've created the time to update it. There are thousands of abandoned blog sites on the internet- mine will not be one of them.

So in one week, I will hop on a plane to New York and see my wonderful family. It is still very hard for me to be so far away from their support and regular presence in my life. But for this point in time, my life here in Australia feels perfect and right in so many ways. So when I do go over to see them, I make sure that I soak in every moment of precious, quality time and celebrate the moments that we have together. NYC here I come!

My next big step after a week of the Big Apple will be Oakland, California. Breathing deeply into the space that Jenny and Jason, (the inspiring co-founders of the practice) will create for the dedicated group of AcroYoga teachers chosen from all around the world. In their presence, I always experience growth at an supersonic rate.  I remember last year in Berlin when I stepped into my 5 day intensive acrobatics training, watching Jenny and Adam preparing to teach and observing the rest of the group whom all seemed more experienced than me. I thought to myself  'there's no way I can do what they're doing- I have such a long way to go.' What I experienced in a mere five days gave me such a deep belief in myself that anything is possible. I was balancing on embracing hands, walking from shoulders to shoulders and sticking solid handstands (which has been my biggest personal hurdle) on someone else's hands. Talk about a fast learning curve! Needless to say, by the time I got to Corfu, Greece for the teacher training, my confidence was soaring. I was eager and ready to try anything and so naturally, an abundance of opportunities came my way. I met so many amazing and eager yogis with such brilliant, divine light in their eyes and they were all so warm and open; ready to share their skills and support me in stepping into a more expanded version of myself. At the end of the course, my body was stronger than it had ever been before, my mind was more clear and my heart had been burst wide open. At the end of the course during our closing circle, I let the tears flow with ease. There was no sense of judgement or limitation.  I had clearly begun to let go of some serious emotional baggage. I was in awe of the beautiful environment that we had co-created in a mere three weeks. I cried for the vibrant light in every person in the room with me and realized how much we were going to change the world and how we would all touch so many lives. I remember whispering to my friend Kellie Mae in astonishment of how many incredible people were gathered together and she whispered back to me, 'you're here too.'

It's been almost a year since I was in this 'love bubble' and I have been through a lot of growth since then. The relationships that I built while at the course have inspired me to connect deeply with my truth and find my voice in a big way. Though I may be living in Oz, I am still a New Yorker through and through and I have finally reconnected with my 'inner bad ass'. I can still be a yoga goddess of peace, love, play and abundant happiness but that doesn't mean I have to silence who I am to any degree. If I have learned nothing from my 15 year journey with yoga, the one thing that would remain for me is that my practice has taught me to listen to my heart and speak my truth- to just be real, to be me.  I feel that my path thus far, has continuously helped me uncover how far or how close I have been to reconnecting with myself... and each time I am aware of these moments, I am one step closer to closing the gap. So now I am ready to breath deeper and continue my work...

Stepping in Beyond myself

I have been here many times before.. ready and eager to share my words and thoughts with the world and then at the last moment, I freak out and doubt myself, choosing to keep my thoughts confined to my journals. 

So finally, I have found the courage to step up and own my voice. I am embracing the belief that what I have to say matters, because it does. The past year has been an incredible journey for me and it has launched me forward into many new and exciting projects. As I come to my thirtieth revolution around the sun, I am stepping into the greatest version of the grandest vision I have ever thought of myself!

But that story will come shortly. I will take a moment to introduce myself to the wide world of blog readers. 

I am a passionate New Yorker, who has relocated to Sydney, Australia to experience the greatest love of all time. After an extensive and emotional yogic journey that began at the tender age of sixteen, I have come to understand who I am and what my purpose is.. granted it does moves around a bit… it’s a lifelong journey, really.  I have listened to my heart and it has landed me in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I have been settled in Australia for the past three years, married the most amazing man and we have bought our first home last year. 

I am a teacher, a yogi, a healer, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a compassionate being on this planet of light and love. With all the transformations I’ve experienced, I have still held on to the essence that is me. 

I have grown and evolved into a fuller version of myself and I am ready to blossom. Here we go.. I invite you to join me as I share my adventures.. into the past, into the present and beyond.

Early days of my journey

So here is where my yoga journey began…

At the tender and formative age of sixteen, I was spending the summer on the magical island of Bali, with my family. Each year my parents would take my brother and I across the seas to southeast Asia where they conduct their business in the clothing industry. This was always sacred time every year, fore my brother and I would play, while my parents worked throughout the day.  

One particular day, a family friend suggested I try a yoga class. So, with the generous amount of time on my hands I decided to try it out. I was instructed to go to Seminyak, turn down a back alley and it would open up to a large gate, in which I was to enter…

What I experienced in the next two hours was quite surreal. I knocked on the vast metallic gate and was greeted by a charming Balinese woman who guided me through a garden, towards a beautiful open air gazebo. This space was arranged with ropes against the wall, stacks of blankets, mats and bolsters. The scent of incense wafted through the air and along with it, my mind. I experienced a moment of familiarity, as if I had been here before..  As my big eyes took in this space, I sat down on a mat and simply soaked in my surroundings. I closed my eyes and inhaled the subtle and potent fragrance of frangipanis, as birds chirped in the gardens and the soft chatter of my fellow practitioners made their way into the space.

I opened my eyes to the voice of a dark Indonesian man in small shorts and nothing else introduced himself as Wayan. His thick accent was so intriguing to me. I focused really hard on what he was saying; he was speaking English but it felt as if he were speaking in a whole new way. As the practice began, I paid great attention to what he was demonstrating with his body. He moved with such grace and ease- it was as if he was floating through space and defying the laws of gravity. I remember a pregnant woman in the class and I thought ‘how cool- when I’m pregnant, I want to be doing the same thing.’ Even back then, I knew that yoga would play a major role in my life.

Throughout the interactive session, we strapped ourselves to the wall, twisted, inverted with the support of bolsters, chairs and in the end I drifted off into the most blissful experience of yoga nidra I have ever had. When I awoke, we finished with an ancient sanskrit chant and moments later, a tray of hot chai arrived for every one to enjoy. As I sat there, speechless and breathless in my post yoga nirvana I vaguely overheard the sounds of the women chatting. What struck me the most were the sounds of the birds, the fragrance of the flowers and the grass, the sun on my skin, the soft breeze blowing through and the vibrance of the colors around me. I had awakened to a whole new part of myself, I never knew existed. I felt this new energy pulsing through me and I knew then that I had found my calling.  

‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’ ~Anais Nin

Life Shrinks or Expands in Proportion to One’s Courage

It is time to reach out and connect on a worldwide scale and reach out to the ‘global village’. The more time I spend connecting with the yoga community, my extended family and people in general, the more support and potential I see in connecting with as many people as possible. Especially, in this moment in time where so much shift is taking place on a global scale, it seems almost illogical not to reach out to our brothers and sisters for deeper connection. Whether we admit it or not, we all need support once in a while. To stop and ask for help takes tremendous courage.

In the past few months, I have learned and softened so much. After my AcroYoga teacher training, I have turned into the biggest crybaby- anything gets those tears flowing these days! I have fully embraced this by the way. It always makes me smile that I have tapped into a well of emotions within me and there is no bottom in sight. I have realized that my fellow yoga teachers are not my competition, rather they are my allies. We have all chosen this path as yogis with a unifying mission in mind and a desire to expand our hearts. We are all searching for union- afterall, isn’t this the essence of our yoga practice? 

So how do we go about finding those like-minded souls with whom we want to collaborate? I find the number one way to network is still the good ole reliable word of mouth. Of course, the abundance of social media now has contributed tremendously to the speed in which we receive and share information. There are so many creative ways to connect. The only thing holding us back may be fear. I do realize this is probably a topic rapt with anxiety for many. Stepping out of your comfort zone and connecting with your neighbors, local cafe owners, students and strangers can be highly intimidating. But what if, we were all craving that connection and simply didn’t tap into our power to be courageous? What a shame that would be. The power of a smile cannot be underestimated. 

It has taken me some time to become more bold and have the confidence to walk up to people I don’t know to strike up conversation. One of my favorite exercises was to see how many people I could make eye contact with in one day and have them reciprocate that moment of connection- that soul connection. Intimidating for some and a sheer delight for others. In doing this and many other forms of reaching out, I have met some of the most inspiring individuals to date. I always walk away from these interactions beaming from ear to ear. I rarely like to entertain the idea of ‘what if’. I am a woman of action without hesitation. The world becomes a much smaller place as we connect with more and more people and when we combine together, our voice becomes so much more amplified.

With a greater network to tap into, we can achieve so much more. In a city like Sydney, where yoga is still on the rise there is so much potential to share and co-create. As I work eagerly to create my website (coming very soon :) If you have a business you love, it will love you back. The principle of constant giving and receiving is in direct proportion to our courage. Can we dare to step out into the abyss and embrace what we find with both arms. I say YES!! I often stop to reflect on all the love and support I have received and given along the way that has brought me to where I am now. Constant gratitude, constant surrender… it feels I am always shedding another layer of myself. The thousands of people I have met along my journey so far, have all contributed to who I am now- every student, every teacher, mentor and friend. Now is the time, I’m ready to give back with my whole heart and soul.